Monday, October 14, 2013

Bedrock Approved

@ Browns 17

I'll start this one off with a look back to the last time the Lions and Browns played each other. Fun fact, this is Nitch's least-favorite video on the entire internet...

The Browns came into yesterday's game seeking one of the more improbable four game winning streaks in recent memory (of course we all remember the similarly improbable one that the DTLs pulled off with Drew Stanton and Shaun Hill at the helm to close 2010), and after an uninspired 30 minutes from the Lions, it looked like they might get it. Trailing 17-7 at the half and kicking off to start the third quarter, they were up to the usual crap, jumping offsides on every single hard count, dropping passes, Calvin looked like his knee was at about 65%, and even Brandon Weeden was finding ways to carve through the secondary.

On the Lions' first drive of the second half, however, Reggie Bush took over, starting with a 39 yard dash on a handoff and capping it off with a 17 yard TD catch from Staff. Even more importantly, Reggie then immediately went over to the bench and started boysing it up with all of the defensive players, giving high fives and encouragement to all of them and pumping them up for the next drive. When some over-caffeinated assistant coach does this (which is often), it is usually met with awkwardness and eye rolling from the D; when Reggie does it, the boys responded with a dismantling of the Cleveland offense. That can be attributed to the fact that Reggie Bush is a good guy. I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure the Browns never even crossed midfield again until their last minute desperation drive with the outcome already decided. As for the offense, Reggie's spark opened the door for Matthew Stafford to find other targets such as Kris Durham (who had his best game as a pro) and Joseph Fauria (who has emerged as a touchdown machine), and we even had a Worm Pettigrew sighting. The Lions built up a 24-17 lead midway through the fourth quarter. I'm now going to go off on a long-winded but significantly more interesting tangent before further summarizing the second half of the game.
**Spoiler alert: We won.

Galaxy Gear

Despite the general contempt that I hold for the field of advertising and marketing, the suits at Samsung really hit one out of the park with the commercial for their new wristwatch cellphone, the Galaxy Gear. They showed the commercial about 11 times during the DTLs game, and I'm being completely serious when I say that I want that thing, despite how disappointing the product itself probably is in reality. I haven't been this pumped about a watch since I saw the Casio wristwatch/calculator combo that my friend Buff had back in 6th grade, which I suspected him of using as a loophole during no calculators allowed math quizzes by pulling the old "Welp, guess I'll just check what time it is..." trick. I mean, that thing was water resistant too, so if you ever went scuba diving and some passing fish asked you to help balance their checkbook or something, you wouldn't miss a beat.

Back to the Samsung Galaxy Gear commercial. Buying the rights to the video clips must have cost them a fortune (unless of course it's the same conglomerate that actually owns all of that stuff to begin with, which I guess it could be), but the effect of the montage of all the old TV characters speaking into their futuristic watch/phones back before they actually existed was awesome. You've got the Star Treks of course, The Jetsons, Inspector Gadget, Power Rangers, and even Fred Flintstone proudly saying, "this is secret agent Rock Slab" into his device. Call me a geek, but I'd be delighted to know the context behind that particular scene. What ridiculous scenario allows for Flintstone to be a secret agent (and we all know that Rubble is probably in on it too), which pop culture icon is 'Rock Slab' supposed to be a pun for, and what prehistoric bird is operating inside of the device to make it work? Either way, I'm in. Awesome idea, awesome commercial. I bet it even has an app that lets you see the visual representation of the sound waves generated by your conversation, like on the George Jetson model. Christmas list.

Bedrock Approved

Speaking of Fred Flintstone, I find it worth mentioning that he set a prehistoric precedent that indirectly helped make the football career of one of the players in yesterday's game. To avoid getting fired at the Slate Rock & Gravel Co., Fred once went back to high school more than a decade later since he'd never graduated originally. During this time, he was somehow eligible to play football for Bedrock High, so being older and bigger than everyone else, he went out and completely dominated. After another year or two working in the quarry, Flintstone then ended up playing a brief stint of college ball for Prinstone University, while presumably in his late twenties. This has nothing to do with anything, but one of Fred's teammates at Prinstone was named King Kong Quagmire. Giggity. In the big game against league rival Shale, Flintstone had 2 rushing touchdowns, a key interception, and was kicked over the goalpost along with the football for the game winning extra point. Any of this sound familiar? By playing college football as a 28 year old grown-ass man, Fred Flintstone was basically the Stone Age version of Brandon Weeden, who did the same thing at Rocklahoma Slate before becoming the quarterback of the Cleveland Brownstones.

Coincidentally, my game recap left off right about where Brandon Weeden re-enters the picture. Ol' Rock Slab would not have been too happy about the ridiculous interception on the next drive that Weeden decided to shovel pass way up into the air and into the waiting arms of Deandre Levy, who was more than happy to scoop up the free gift. With just under 5 minutes to play at this point, Jim Schwartz could choose between two options: 1) sit on the lead, run predictable run plays up the middle, punt away, and hope the prevent defense holds against the Cleveland two minute drill, knowing full well that the prevent defense never holds against anyone's two minute drill, OR 2) Go for the win, put the game away, and leave no doubt. On Saturday night, Brady Hoke chose door #1 to calamitous results, like when Peter Griffin chose the mystery box instead of a new boat. Thankfully, Schwartz learned from the mistake and went with door #2. Stafford finds Fauria in the end zone again on a key third down, and the door is slammed shut for Cleveland.

Another impressive win puts Bromothymols at 4-2, with very winnable home games against Cincy and the Cowboys coming up next.

No comments:

Post a Comment